The real reason “later” keeps winning

I said it in my email the other week: “I’ll do it later” is where a lot of a mum’s own wants end up. I still believe that. But I want to tell you about something I didn’t say, because I think it’s the real reason the pile gets so full.

A little while ago there was a catch up with people from a choir we used to be in. They’re not just old friends. They’re very much like family. It was exactly the kind of time I’d been missing.

I took my two little ones with me, because that’s how it works most of the time.

And the place was lovely, everyone smiling, chatting and singing together again.

But my kids were clingy. They were hanging off me, needing something every few minutes, and not letting me out of their sight. Every time I started a conversation, I was pulled out of it. I never really got to talk to anyone. I stood in a room full of people I love and I wasn’t part of it.

I heard someone talking about losing their job but before I could ask anything more, I had to leave the conversation because my son 'needed' me to see something. I wanted to hear what others were doing without having food thrown at me or my kid trying to jump out of the highchair.

We left early. I was done.

And I was basically in tears on the way home, annoyed that I couldn't be a part of it more and chat with others, and frustrated that my kids would be like that on a rare day I get to see people I care about and I was tired.

Here’s what I’ve noticed since. The afternoon wasn’t bad. It was lovely. But it cost me a lot, and what I got back was a fraction of what I’d hoped for.

And that’s the part nobody says about the “later” pile. It isn’t because we don’t care, or can’t be bothered, or have our priorities wrong. It’s because the last time we made the effort, it was hard, and so the next time the effort looks bigger. Then Aaron’s away, or I’m tired, or it’s just too much to organise, and later wins again.

I think a lot of us are sitting in that exact spot. We go, we take the kids, we spend the night being pulled in six directions, and we come home wondering if it’s worth trying again.

So this is the bit I keep coming back to. If big efforts keep costing us too much, maybe the first step doesn’t have to be big at all.

Not a whole night out. Just one tiny step towards the thing you keep saying you’ll do later. A catch up with a friend, a zoom chat with your siblings or besties, an hour to yourself at a cafe, a massage or maybe even doing some learning on a skill you want to learn or joining a class.

You don’t have to wait for January. And you don’t have to get it right the first time.

Is there something you’ve been putting on your later pile? I’d love to hear what it is. 🩷

Bec ✨